Grief at the start of the New Year

You have just managed to navigate your way through Christmas when the New Year sneaks up, rocking your world once again. Grief does not end at the door of a New Year furthermore it can be a very strong moment indeed. Fireworks and parties are far from your mind, like a betrayal of your loved one who will not see this New Year, a reminder of the passing of time. Overwhelming thoughts and loneliness creep in. This New Year seems like a giant leap, a crossing of a threshold, and yet you question is it time to press refresh and start again, surely the New Year should be accompanied with feelings of renewal and hope? Maybe a few unrealistic goals or health regimes would help? Is it time to quit grieving and get on with life?

Time limits whilst grieving are unhelpful. Your grief is not limited to a set number of days but an ongoing living adjustment. It is one breath, one step, one task, one hour, one day at a time. So, take a deep breath, abandon the unrealistic goals after all your energy may not match this right now, move softly into the New Year taking a few moments to gently reflect.

For now, everything needs to be done in manageable sized pieces. The year you are leaving behind may have some difficult descriptive words attached to it, it has been the toughest of times. Why not write down a few of those words; keep it simple. Whilst reflecting a little further other happier words may spring to mind noting you have been the receiver of help, kindness or generosity beyond the norm. Were there “gifts” mingled in with the harshest circumstances? Can there really be treasure found in dark places? Jot these words down too.

For the coming New Year, let’s take a small step further, maybe a few miniscule words of hope run through your mind when you unexpectedly “hear” your loved one adding to these, after all you can never really leave them behind carrying them with you in your heart. Strangely they help you make decisions, remind you which is the best brand of cereal to buy, their character traits flourish in your mind and for now, help you dig around for treasures of hope.

So, this New Year it is not about resolutions, goals or targets but treading softly into the unknown taking small steps tempered with hope.